The woman at the café

In Kirkuk, Iraq, Cafes are where people, mostly men, gather to talk, smoke, and drink coffee. Sometimes they also have a kitchen where they make their own type of fast food. The one café I frequented has something called ‘Laham Ajeen’ that I liked in particular. It’s like pizza, but on a thin, foldable base and without the cheese. Of course, you can Americanize it by adding cheese. However, this will spoil the dish because it’s not the traditional way. Also, you only find processes ‘cheese’ here, which tastes like plastic.

Cafés open late in the morning because most people move around in the evening. Also, for some reason, the cafés are less smoky in the morning. Perhaps because there are fewer people, it could also be because more people smoke more in the evenings than in the mornings. Who knows? However, things are changing. People are vaping much more as they see that as the healthier option and a bit more modern than the traditional shisha. Sometimes you’ll see women in cafés, but this is still very rare here in Kirkuk.

Two things that you will rarely find in a café are women and alcohol. So, like the workplace, it’s a bit like a sober men-only club. However, this is slowly changing and not only through the influence of international NGOs employing the best candidate regardless of gender and woman empowerment projects, but also through individual actions of brave women.

A few weeks ago, I saw an example of such brave action while having Laham Ajeen at a local café. There was a bunch of guys vaping and talking intensely when a young woman walked in. She was modestly dressed and wore the traditional headscarf (or hijab) to be respectful and probably to reduce the moment’s impact. The guys stopped talking and acknowledged her presence until she quietly sat down at an open table. She sat close enough to hear what the guys were talking about without sitting so close to make them uncomfortable. Soon the guys went back to their conversation, and she just sat quietly listing to them and eating her lunch. I’m sure she knew that her presence would be against the norm, but she did it in such a gentle and respectful way that the guys only response could be to be respectful to her and let her be. I don’t know if she was just wanted to be in the company of some other men, trying to break barriers or just wanted to eat something at the café. Whatever the reason, I believe that her small action will make it easier for other women to visit cafés on their own. More men will then see them as having a place outside of the home.

I know there’s a lot of rhetoric around equality and woman’s rights. But as my manager in Holland told me many years ago, there is a big difference between being right and getting right. I believe that this woman’s quiet and gentle action got something right in this café. Many of us struggle to get right with the enforcement of international policies and agendas.